I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
