i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
