so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
that is very illegal...i love you.
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