i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
