sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
