i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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