Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
