I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
