ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
