I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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