i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize