Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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