We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
