theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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