WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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