my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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