she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
