Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
