Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
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Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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