mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
