loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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