My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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