this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
