it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
