she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
