I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
