I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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