This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
