Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
