you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
