I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Drunk is a universal language darling
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