Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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