there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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