I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I touched a dick in church today
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
