Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
