After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
