hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
