We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
