you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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