someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
