Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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