wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
