Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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