Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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