So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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