so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
