Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
