as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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