I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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