If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So many bounce houses so little time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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