He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
did i just pee glitter
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
