Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh god the rape fog is back!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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