im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
