my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
