tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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