We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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