I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
