we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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