I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
