So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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