My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
