I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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