if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
