too bad you live with your parents still
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
