I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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