those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
