You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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