if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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