you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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