Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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