Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
