You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
