I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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