i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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