i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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