I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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