I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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