i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
