I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
