i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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