Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
