I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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