the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
