Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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