This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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