Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
