someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
