they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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